I don't wanna be the best...I just wanna dance

'I don’t wanna be the best, I just wanna dance' is a meditation on the artist’s childhood memory of learning to dance, in order to overcome her shyness and defy the trauma of school bullying. The film opens with extracted agitated phrases from Waterman’s undergraduate creative writing dissertation which seek to re-enact the physical sensation of these haunted memories.

Structurally, this experimental artist film operates like a narrated slide show, entirely comprised of still photographic images and stop-frame animations, that become resurrected through recounted stories and fragments of classical music remembered from her dance classes. Only three analogue photographs from the family album exist that provide evidence of her experience as a dancer. Ai-generated wish-fulfilment images of an imagined self, both off and on stage have been purposefully created to fill in these visual gaps.

Waterman’s childhood identification with two characters from literature and popular culture – Harriet from 'White Boots' (1956) by Mary Noel Streatfeild, and Coco from the 1980s TV series, 'Fame’ serve as escapist strategies. Her recollections are interwoven with a contemplative telephone conversation between mother and daughter, juxtaposed with images of treasured physical objects, such as her worn-out ballet shoes and dance exam certificates.

The recurring visual motif of ballet shoes, coupled with her frustrated memories of trying to learn the steps suggest a prior anxiety with forging the right path through life as Waterman reflects upon past decisions as she reaches middle age. The pursuit of self-transformation amid perceived failure forms the basis of this autobiographical narrative, accentuating a shared universal vulnerability.